Monday, October 29, 2007

After reading about Mother Theresa I must admit, I feel less alone. Her words are so powerful, and capture the very essence of how I feel. Though upon realizing she never regained her faith I am wondering if my identifying with her search is a good thing or a bad thing. Am I fated to remain a skeptic?

Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The Child of your Love — and now become as the most hated one — the one — You have thrown away as unwanted — unloved. I call, I cling, I want — and there is no One to answer — no One on Whom I can cling — no, No One. — Alone ... Where is my Faith — even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness — My God — how painful is this unknown pain — I have no Faith — I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart — & make me suffer untold agony.
So many unanswered questions live within me afraid to uncover them — because of the blasphemy — If there be God — please forgive me — When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven — there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives & hurt my very soul. — I am told God loves me — and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. Did I make a mistake in surrendering blindly to the Call of the Sacred Heart?—
Mother Theresa -addressed to Jesus, at the suggestion of a confessor, undated

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Your posts have been so moving. I can't say enough about how strong you've been. It takes so much courage to be this open and honest.